Now or Never
by Beldamslittlehelper
Summary: With Uther suffering with dementia, Arthur must face up to his true feelings but more importantly his future.


It had all started with a simple thing as losing his car keys, it then escalated to loosing much more.

At first Arthur thought it was just his old age getting to him a little bit, but as time went on Arthur quickly found himself starting to force the simple idea in his mind that his father was just becoming old and a tiny bit forgetful.

However reality was slowly and painfully ripping apart Uther's brain, tearing away his memories as if they had vanished into less than the thin air in the atmosphere. Uther's ability to even recognise his loved ones was crumbling away in front of Arthur s eyes along with his mind and personality deteriorating into the minuscule pieces that seemed to be the tiny remains of his brain.

Arthur's eyes prickled with tears every time Uther mentioned Morgana. Arthur's heart literally breaks a little more when Uther asks when Morgana is visiting; it breaks even more when Arthur has to bring himself to tell his father every time that Morgana wasn't coming back. The guilt of having to remind him constantly of the things that hurt his father the most alone was difficult enough without the added pressure of having to keep a clear head when hearing about his father's midnight sobbing, his sudden outbursts and his repetitive hallucinations.

In the past Arthur would never have even considered his father losing his strong willed, fearless and determined personality he once had. But that along with many other special quirks and sentimental memories had now been yanked out and dumped into an empty place which was at so much of a far distance that nothing could be done to retrieve and stop them from turning into the dust that was becoming of Uther altogether.

Now it was Arthur's job to help his father to survive in tough times, even if that meant teaching his father the things that he had once taught him. As well as teaching it was important for Arthur to understand what Uther was going through, no matter how difficult or exhausting it was.

Arthur's memories took him back to the times when his father had been well and helped him through the process of growing up as well as being there when it mattered the most. Now it was Arthur's turn to play the main role which meant having to teach his father to stand on his own two feet, comforting him when he cried, reassuring him when things got rough, but the most important part was despite the difficult days was showing him that he was loved no matter what happened.

Just by being there clearly meant a lot to Uther even if he was no longer capable to show it. Arthur didn't need words to know that his father appreciated every second of his company, his actions themselves spoke for him. Those little smiles that meant a lot to him as a child growing up, now meant the world to him as an adult as he knew their true meaning and purpose despite being no longer able to tell him why he deserved them.

On the other hand every day that he spent with his father turned into yet another day closer to the one moment that he was to loose Uther's existence with nothing to his name apart from the one word **dementia.**

Walking over to where Uther was currently sat, holding his plastic cup in the middle of his hand, gripping it as if it was the only object that would keep him safe from all the dangers. He could see how deeply the dementia had taken affect which only made Arthur feel distraught as there he was watching his father suffer with no cure or even a way out. Arthur gently removed the cup from his father's grasp along with hearing a tiny moan escape from his father's lips, every sound of discomfort that his father let out made Arthur want to grab hold of him and tell him that everything was going to be fine even though Arthur knew different.

In spite of this, all he knew now was that he had to be strong for his father as these days that Arthur was spending right now could be the final drips of time that he had left with him.

Looking up at the ceiling above him Arthur thought to himself slowly and simply.

 _When my father had control of his mental health he was too wrapped up the past even though he went on about my future, now I must follow his words. When I say this I can't hide or run away from this, I must for fill and accept my future, so for me it's now or never._

While one of the carers carefully showed Arthur to the exit , he couldn't help but let his final thought out into the open.

 _You can miss someone when they die, you can miss someone when they move away, but the worst is when you miss someone you see every day._


End file.
